Donald J. T, Space Explorer
“Living on earth can be pretty hard, especially today, with the humans on top of the food chain. Most animals aren’t aware that they are just losing freedom. They are becoming more and more ignorant and selfish. My name is Donald J. Trump, and I am a pig. Yes, Donald. The farmer gave me the name after seeing the guy with the funny hair on TV. But that TV guy is dumb. In fact, he reminds me of Pollo, the one-eyed rooster that keeps eating that vodka marinated bread, and thinks he is a dog. They say that if you want a friend in Washington, you should take a dog. Well, don’t take this one. He keeps talking and sometimes tries to bark, but nothing else. Anyway, back to the topic, everyone of you knows that already, many of our friends left to become what the humans call ‘bacon’, but I do not want to have the same fate. I will leave this world and become a space explorer. Anyone that wants to follow me can do so. For now, I am just gathering this Dark Energy, which will fuel my space shuttle. It is almost ready, and when it is done, I will save you all…”
I think that I gave a pretty good speech last night. I was able to rally Buzz the bee, Silly the panda and Ellie the elephant. That makes four of us, there should be enough room for everyone. It’s a shame though that the pig squad had to interrupt the meeting. “Make the pigs great again, become bacon ”, sigh, who comes up with these kinds of slogans? They might actually gather a lot of people. If there is one thing I know, it’s that two things are infinite, the universe and the stupigity. Never, ever, underestimate the power of the latter.
Anyway, I can’t wait to leave, it really is time I left this farm and I’m sure we’ll have greater lives on other planets. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. I just hope that we’ll be able to become symbols, or legends, for the upcoming generation, and that they will dream of becoming space explorers, too. Of the two remaining steps before departure, the gathering of Dark Energy is the most important one. I am pretty confident that it will be completed by tomorrow, on my first birthday.
I’ve never been really fond of fast foods, but you know, if I were, I would love to have some chicken burgers. That Pollo thinks he’s a dog, but he’s too stupid to be aware that he still crows in the morning. It used to bother me every other time, but not today. I am now one year old and the “Gatherer” is full of Dark Energy! I have to tell Buzz, Ellie, and Silly to get everything packed because it takes about three minutes to get to the space shuttle, which is a very, very long way. Hopefully, nothing will go wrong when we arrive. I double checked my calculations, and they are correct. After leaving the Earth, we’ll head to Jupiter, then I will activate the “Gatherer” that will generate a wormhole to get to Andromeda Galaxy. At this point, everything is ready, we can not postpone the launch, otherwise, the others will quit. I’ll have to see what will happen when we get to the shuttle. Let’s start the last step by calling the others with our microdevice implanted in everyone’s teeth. “ Departure will be this morning in 2 hours, get everything we agreed to take and meet me at the barn in ten minutes, I need to pee first”.
Everyone showed up at the rendezvous point on time with what they were expected to bring, or at least most of them. Ellie got the “eating machine” that I gave her, which basically creates food from literally “nothing”, Buzz took his tuxedo. As I imagined, and even though I told her not to, Silly brought… a staircase, just because she thinks it’s beautiful. Her name really suits her well. I don’t have time to argue with her now, so I will let her take it. We need to hurry, Pollo hasn’t seen us, and I don’t want him to follow us.
We arrived at the shuttle two minutes and fifty-four seconds after departure, it felt like a year, but that’s a new record. Everything looked okay, nobody was curious enough to come near it. While I was installing the “Gatherer”, Silly got in first because she wanted to place her staircase near her seat. Then it was Ellie’s turn. Suddenly…
*BANG BANG BANG* …shots were fired! The pig squad is about 500 meters from the shuttle, running at us, and seem very angry, Pollo is with them, barking. “Everyone, hurry up and get inside the shuttle! Buzz, initiate the launch! ” I barely got inside when the shuttle started. Woow, the Dark Energy is working better than expected! We’re already at 500,000 ft. We should arrive near the moon in about ten seconds. I guess the pig squad’s dream came true, the rocket booster deflagration grilled them into bacon, and with Pollo, I am sure the first humans that will pass by will have a delicious lunch.
Mission accomplished, we left the earth and arrived on the first exoplanet we found. It is huuuuge. About 10 times the size of Jupiter. There are so many animal species like there are on Earth. Pigs here don’t want to turn to bacon, pandas love Silly’s staircase, every bee is falling in love with Buzz thanks to his tuxedo. Finally, there are no mice on this world to scare Ellie. As for me, the people here are calling me the greatest scientist in the galaxy, and they gave me a huge laboratory to make my experiments. I am really rich now. They had a proverb on Earth “Money can’t buy happiness”, well, it sure made everything easier. Now, I have plenty of time to think about how to destroy the Earth and how to build my empire to rule the galaxy.
Dun Dun Dun!
By Thomas Daniellou